maine.myself.i

Hello again!

2011-04-24T06:10:00.002+10:00

Hey guys! I'm back...I hope I haven't lost the little readers that I had.

I've been feeling many things lately.

i'm currently rehearsing for a comedy sketch show called Projek Disko Baldi. We have written almost all of the sketches and now it's a matter of editing. It's good fun. I love comedy, I've come to terms that hey, maybe I ain't a great "actor actor"but I know I can do comedy. So, I should hone it on it. So, I'm thinking of going to comedy school in America. Problem is I need to send in the bloody application. I'll get cracking on that. Back to PDB, working with a group is interesting because you have to learn to let go and not take control of everything. I know sometimes I do and that causes some important things not being done. I have to listen to what the rest say and consider them. If they make a valid argument, I let go. But if I feel that my way is the way to go, I push for it. At least I think I do. I mean we can listen to your peers' comments but sometimes you gotta stick to your guns. So, Projek Disko Baldi, PJ Live Arts, Jaya One, 28 & 29 May, 5.00pm and 9.15pm..RM 35. Get your tickets now. Also;

www.facebook.com/projekdiskobaldi
www.twitter.com/diskobaldi

i'm also rehearsing for an improv show. We meet once a week and it's been fun. At every rehearsal, I find that we as a group discover many new things and that keeps us going. So, AIIA Improv, KL PAC, 14-17th July, RM 23 tickets!

www.facebook.com/aiiaimprov
www.twitter.com/ai_improv

I am still single and not seeing anyone. But I am flirting with a boy or 2. That's about it. Story of my love life. I need to be an adult and just go for it. Don't waste any time.

I am still overweight. My many attempts of losing weight have gone out the window. I have just started going back to the gym, hopefully that works. Sometimes I don't want to lose weight. Coz I see a friend who complains about her body even though she weighs 42-45 kilos. So, it just goes to show no matter how thin you are you will be unhappy.

Family is good I guess. I'm feeling heaaaappppsss amount of resentment towards my father. And I think this is bothering me most. It feels like he has finally done it, totally abandon us. No weekend visits or lunches. I miss him. He's my father. I see my friends with their dads and it kills me dearly. I wish I had that kind of a relationship with my dad. He is such a flawed person...but even so, I still love him. For he, and my mum have helped me shape the human being that I am today.

Okay, so that's all for now. Oh, I've been asked to do poetry slam and to do stand up. Do you think I should? Do I have enough time to do it?

Okay lovelies. I'm off to bed. Thank you for reading and maybe I'll post more soon. :D

so what now?

2010-11-03T18:12:00.000+11:00

Disorder	Your Score
Major Depression:	High
Dysthymia:	Moderate
Bipolar Disorder:	Moderate
Cyclothymia:	High
Seasonal Affective Disorder:	High
Postpartum Depression:	N/A
Take the Depression Test

skirt the issue

2010-10-12T16:23:00.002+11:00

Growing up, there were three dresses that I absolutely loved and dreamed of having. These three dresses were the first impressions I had of femininity. One was regal and classy, the other was young and sweet and the third was sexy. View the videos below if you want to see the dresses.

like this

2010-10-07T14:03:00.003+11:00

i like my job. i like my colleagues. i like my tasks. i like the company. i like the location.

the only thing i would have to complain about it is the fact that i have to work. (this comes with any job in any company)

other than that, it's super.

life lessons

2010-10-06T14:29:00.004+11:00

There isn't a manual on how to live your life. There isn't a manual on how to deal with a break-up. How to deal with debt. How to deal with a cheating partner.

There are no set rules you can apply to life.

If I could get a lesson in anything right now, it would be on 'How to handle a divorce'. Correction. How to handle your parents' divorce.

While no divorce papers have been filed yet but I am confident that my parents' marriage is heading towards that direction. About 3 years ago my dad took on a second wife. Like any sane woman, my mum couldn't accept it and for the past 3 years has been trying to get a divorce. While he says he is unhappy with wife no.2, yet his stepkids' twitter and facebook seem to say otherwise.

Maybe he is happy. Maybe being with our family makes him unhappy. It's the truth. And I have to face it.

But how? How do I accept that my parents are no longer married? How can I accept the fact that my father loves another woman who is not my mother? How can I accept the fact my father no longer lives with me? How can I accept that my world (that are my parents) is crumbling? How?

What is right? What is wrong? How long will it take? I'm not my mother but I have to say it, I'm tired. I'm tired of anticipating the divorce. I'm tired of the push and pull. Will they or will they not? I'm so tired. And when the divorce finally happens, I'll be exhausted. But, I must then face the changes. The change in the dynamics of the family. Everything will change. I know it.

All I want to know is .....how do I deal with it? How?

The memory of food

2010-10-06T12:22:00.002+11:00

I just read a beautiful post on my friend's blog. It was a post about her late father who was a man who loved to indulge in the finest food but found so much pleasure in the most simple dish- fairy toast. For those of you who don't know what fairy toast is, it's basically toasted bread with butter and sprinkled sugar. She also mentions that there's usually so much emotional attachment with food. Certain food remind you of certain people, a time in life or a special occasion. Here are my favourites;

Beef bacon- every Sunday morning, Mummy would make beef bacon, sausages,baked beans and fried eggs. We would sit at the dining table, tak mandi, tak gosok gigi, well except for Mummy and just enjoy breakfast. The smell of fried bacon would fill the air and the family would just talk and talk and talk and talk.

Roast Chicken - Mummy makes the best roast chicken, EVER. Mummy would make roast chicken at least once a month. I always enjoyed seeing the chickens turn in the microwave oven. She would also make gravy and mashed potato from scratch. Whenever Mummy cooks western, she goes all the way. There will always be soup and rolls and we were never short of mustard and mint sauce. We would also always have proper table napkins for dinner. Be it western or dinner.

Butter Cake - Mummy loves baking. On a lazy Saturday or Sunday, while most of us would just vegetate in the living room, Mummy would bake her delicious butter cake. It was never a chore for her. Once the cake mix was put in the oven, she would call all of us to the kitchen to lick the mixing bowl clean. We always did a good job.

Black Chicken Rice - You are probably wondering what is black chicken rice. Basically, it's claypot chicken rice. We called it black chicken rice because, well, unlike the normal chicken, the rice was black and not white. It was probably easier for Mummy to explain it to her children. Black Chicken Rice was always a surprise, we never knew when it was coming but one day Mummy will just spring it upon us and we would enjoy every little bit of it. Best consumed with tomato sauce.

Chicken Casserole - everybody racing for the last scraps of burnt cheese on the Pyrex dish. Nuff said. Scrummy!

I must ask Mummy to compile all her recipes and turn it into a recipe book. If not for me, then maybe just for her kids.

Thanks for the food Mummy...but most of all, thanks for the memories.

lets start again

2010-09-02T11:12:00.002+10:00

Okay, my last post was disgusting. Seriously. I'm sorry guys. Lets just put that behind us.

So, it's day 23 of Ramadhan. Another seven days before Muslims around the world celebrate Eid or as Malaysians call it, Hari Raya. It has been an enjoyable Ramadhan with me spending more time with the family. I just realized that I rarely eat at home and I should because I get to have the most amazing food cooked by mum and the best part is it's free!

It's Short and Sweet time again! This year I'll be directing AND my play has been selected for the festival. I am proud to say that out of 19 submissions, my play, Wati dan Puan is the only play in Malay that was selected.* Booya! I'll be directing Impromptu by Daphne Lee, a story about a woman who yearns for attention from the men in her life(well, this is how I see it). I'm in the midst of casting it and it's been quite stressful. I've just had two actors turn me down due to scheduling conflicts. I must be patient and have faith that it will be okay. The idea of directing is scary -I just have to be confident and trust my actors when rehearsals begin.

It's almost my fifth month working at the new job and I must say I like it. It isn't too stressful, my colleagues are really nice and it's only five minutes away from where I live! My friends have even noticed that unlike my previous jobs, I rarely bitch about my current job. In fact, never! So, I hope to be doing this for quite some time. It's stable, stress free and gives me the opportunity to pursue my other passion (theatre) on the side.

Best I stop here before this post ends up being too long too read. I hope to be blogging again soon. So, watch this space and have a good day.

*a play in Malay is NOT a Malay play.

where did it all go wrong?

2010-08-17T13:01:00.003+10:00

we all have dreams,ambitions. most of us don't achieve that. some days are spent asking yourselves, where did it all go wrong?

where did it all go wrong for me? which point in my life, had i made another choice, my life would've turned out differently.

where?

here i am

2010-08-10T11:25:00.002+10:00

I'm back. After a long break from blogging, I'm back. Pardon my absence but due to the nature of my current job, blogging after a long day at the office is not how I want to spend my evenings. However, I've decided to start again for the simple reason of needing an outlet to express my feelings. Now, how's that for emo shit. Hahahaha.

Okay. It stops here for now. Maybe the next post will be somewhat interesting.

why can't you just be happy for me?

2010-05-17T11:35:00.002+10:00

Why can't you just be happy for me?

Why can't you understand the fact that maybe I want to do comedy sketches? I want to be the next Tina Fey.

You think I don't want to do Chekov? I don't want to do a Greek classic...of course I do. But the opportunity hasn't come.

Thank you for coming. Thank you. But just be happy, just be pleased the next time you come.

Maybe you'd like it if I wrote for a high-end lifestyle magazine, maybe only then will you be happy.

Things that make me smile No. 1

2010-05-13T15:41:00.002+10:00

Malik's random mp3s which he sends via e-mail.

Thank you!

conversations with mummy part 534

2010-03-31T20:09:00.000+11:00

me: My hair sucks. I don't like it. Macam bulu kote!
mummy: I Looooovvvvveeee your hair!
me: erm, ok. hhmm.

sometimes

2010-03-26T19:11:00.001+11:00

sometimes you don't know the bigger picture
sometimes you're late when you should've been there early
sometimes you do have a point
sometimes you assume
sometimes you shouldn't have left it unsaid for too long
sometimes you could have handled it better
....drama. sigh.

i have a flaw

2010-02-22T21:00:00.001+11:00

i hold grudges.

RANCANGAN HARI JADI TERHEBAT ADLI

2010-02-19T15:48:00.003+11:00

The Actors Studio Teater Rakyat

presents
Rancangan Hari Jadi Terhebat Adli

In Bahasa Melayu with surtitles in English
Script: Adiwijaya

Directed by: Megat Sharizal

Synopsis:

‘Rancangan hari jadi Terhebat Adli’ is the story of Adli, an aspiring playwright, who, after his best friend Musa decides to marry his secret crush of many years, decides to invite his closest friends over for his 25th birthday party retreat in a kampong far-far away, in an attempt to win the love of Deliah, and to impress his friends all at the same time. Ambition turns into blind and ruthless obsession as Adli tries desperately to get what he wants, to no avail. Old rivalries are unearthed, and deception runs wild among this dysfunctional group of friends. There is also a birthday surprise for Adli. His friends hope he will like it.

Pada hujung minggu hari jadinya yang ke 25, Adli menjemput kawan-kawan terdekatnya ke kampungnya yang terletak jauh di pedalaman entah mana untuk meraikan hari bermakna itu bersamanya. Lebih penting bagi Adli sebenarnya ialah untuk menyemarakkan cinta dengan kawan baiknya sejak kecil, Deliah, yang akan mengahwini kawan Adli daripada kolej, Musa. Adli yakin dia akan berjaya. Musa yakin dia dapat menghalang Adli. Deliah yakin salah seorang daripada jejaka itu memang benar-benar cintakannya. Siapa yang betul, tiada yang tahu, tetapi pasti ada jawapannya pada malam parti harijadi Adli.

Cast:
Fauzuly Hamdan Tahir as Adli**Qahar Aqilah as Musa**Shamaine Othman as Widayanti

Nabihan Yaacob as Deliah**Sharon Lam as Brittany**Redza Minhat as Farzan

Performance Dates:

10th March 2009 : Preview. Minimum donation of RM10 (at the door).

11th - 14th March 2009, Thurs – Sat : 830pm, Sun : 300pm

Adults: RM35, Senior citizens : RM28, Students & Disabled : RM23

Early bird promotion:

From now until 4th March 2010, adults will get Senior citizens rate, RM28.

whoa

2010-02-19T13:22:00.001+11:00

whoaaaa

that was a load of wank!

fight!

2010-02-18T21:47:00.003+11:00

When my parents had me and my siblings, they fought hard to put 'Malaysian' under the race column of our birth certificates. Being a product of a mixed marriage, it was unfair to categorize us under 1 race. I commend my parents for trying and when the time comes for me to register my babies, I will try to do the same. Even if it ain't a mixed marriage, I want my children to be known as Malaysians first.

My parents have told this story to many people. Friends and family. I never get tired of listening to it.

Lately though, I feel like I've lost the man who fought hard to make me Malaysian on my birth certificate. I feel like I don't know him anymore.

sigh.

shopping list

2010-02-18T13:42:00.001+11:00

headphones
ASTRO remote
batteries

breathe

2010-02-01T04:45:00.003+11:00

okay, firstly that's a damn wanky blog title...breathe? hahaha. but why not.

friends have complained that they miss my posts...had to explain to them that lately, i've either been tired or just not inspired (hey, it kinda rhymes). tap,tap,scroll,enter.....and I still don't know what to write about. It's February already and I'm sure we're asking ourselves where did January go?...hhhmmm.

is this gonna be a deep and meaningful post? i don't know. last time I saw my dad was Xmas. I owe him some cash and a phone (my old phone). i don't know when will i see him again. he used to come visit on weekends...but we don't get any calls from him now. i don't know why.hhmm....maybe he's upset that i still haven't passed him the phone.

okay..this is already bordering on emo. urgh.

sigh. i don't know what to make of all of this.

on a positive note, i think my dreams can somehow predict the future. around may 2009, i wrote to a friend, Maya Tan Abdullah explaining to her that i dreamt that she wrote a play about relationships and i was in it. and everybody was excited to be in it. Little did we know at that time, in October 2009...Maya's play Wacky Bar, a play about modern relationships was staged and I was in it. Spooky right?....Maybe I do have a gift.

Last week, I dreamt that Conan O' Brien and I murdered someone. But I can't remember who........

http://maineiac.tumblr.com/ -- oh check it out :)

twenty ten

2010-01-14T13:04:00.002+11:00

So, it's 2010. Hello, I say! Just to let you know- I had an amazing time in Koh Samui and I could never get tired of that beautiful,charming island. Thank you to the Samui 13 ( you know who you are) for an unforgettable trip.

I've decided that 2010 is a year to sort myself out and hopefully end the year a happier person. I also have to remind myself that I'm on this earth for me ( well, for now lah). So, 2010...is gonna be all about ME.

Happy New Year folks and stay tuned....

Selamat Tinggal 2009

2009-12-28T14:21:00.005+11:00

I said in my previous post that this blog is on a break till further notice. It still is but I thought of posting one entry before the year ends.

2009, like any other year has been very eventful. I fell in and out of love,travelled, switched jobs, took on the stage...and the list goes on and on. I couldn't have done all of this without my friends.Old and new.

I am thankful that I am surrounded by amazing friends. True Blue,Lady Lover, Kewlies, theatre kaki, ex-MPO colleagues,The Pantry girls,my Melbourne La Clique....thank you for being there.

Here's to another year of great,rocking times spent together....

p.s.: will be heading to Koh Samui tomorrow with, you guessed it, some friends of mine...

2009-12-16T00:36:00.001+11:00

maine.myself.i is on a break till further notice.

Favourite Music

2009-12-15T13:03:00.002+11:00

Frank Sinatra
Basement Jaxx-will be missing them in January.damn!
Jamiroquai-seen them
Kings of Convenience-will see them
Corrine Bailey Rae
Amy Winehouse
Gotan Project
Pink Martini-will see them!
Vulgargrad-seen them
Koko Kaina-seen her..now she's known as Zee Avi
Phoenix-missed them in Jakarta.damn.

back to basics

2009-12-07T21:14:00.002+11:00

so, am done with colours and am going back to basics.

keep it simple,keep it simple.

and in the spirit of keeping it simple, i'm quitting him. like, right now.

breathe in,breathe out.

I want

2009-12-03T20:58:00.000+11:00

the New Moon Soundtrack

and

Lady Gaga's Fame Monster

Conversations with Mummy

2009-12-03T03:05:00.002+11:00

Mummy: Did you go watch New Moon with a guy?

Me: No. I went with Shikin.

Mummy: Then why are you all dolled up?

Me: I'm all dolled up?

Mummy: Yea, so melaram. Usually when you go out with the girls, you're quite..like..you know...don't dress up...

Me: Oh...okay....

To my girlfriends, I'm sorry..will make an effort the next time...

The Idiot Box

2009-11-30T16:04:00.006+11:00

Thanks to a tall cup of toffee nut latte from Starbucks, I was awake and alert till 5.30am in the morning. This left me channel surfing on Astro and by golly!!- they don't call it the idiot box for nothing. Well, my only problem was Astro Ria....not to say that it made me feel like an idiot but rather an outsider.

Macam-Macam Aznil was on and you know that feeling when you're in a foreign country like Thailand or Philippines-- and there are these TV shows where everybody is screaming and the set looks like a packet of Skittles poo-ed on it--bright colours,sequins and more bright colours-- and you say to yourself, "What the fuck is this?". Yep- "What the fuck is Macam-Macam Aznil"

The audience was 98% Malay. He had 2 audience members come up on stage and cry on cue. He tried to teach the 98% Malay audience how to speak Cantonese whilst making fun of the language and Chinese characters. The 98% Malay audience, laughed their asses off. I didn't. I'm 50% Malay (well, 25%..coz the other 25% is Bugis but lets not get specific here). Hence, this is why I feel like an outsider. I want to laugh with them too. Or do I want them to laugh with me....

So, what did I do? I watched a documentary on Discovery Channel about high security prisons in America. Oh and The Screening Room on CNN. Did you know, Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge has been playing in the cinemas in India for 14 years? Amazing right.

oh god

2009-11-26T14:52:00.001+11:00

my current blog background today had me telling myself to fucking grow up.

seriously.

turqoise with multi-coloured flowers?

god.urgh.

Friends are awesome

2009-11-20T21:43:00.002+11:00

aainaa.bluinc: ok
too busy to chat?

4:15 PM me: no not really :)

4:16 PM aainaa.bluinc: whats up
whats new
you suck hahaha

me: i know i know
sowwee
but i have the perfect bday gift to make it up :P
ehehehehe

4:17 PM nothing's up nothing's new
well **ULP******T"S A DOUCHEBAG hahahaha

4:18 PM aainaa.bluinc: okay
what else happened

4:22 PM me: nothing
he's just a douche

aainaa.bluinc: i thought we've established that a long time ago :P

4:23 PM me: yes just reiterating
4:28 PM me: how's work

aainaa.bluinc: tiring
not enough sleep

4:29 PM rest
whatever you call it you?

me: okay la
doing trend updates...
bah! so hard

4:31 PM aainaa.bluinc: nak berak
but malas nak go toilet
har

4:33 PM me: wear pampers

4:39 PM aainaa.bluinc: hmmm
i doont have em for now
good idea
but then i'd just have to sit in my shit

4:41 PM me: oh yea
yucks
le poo

how do you sleep?

2009-11-19T20:15:00.000+11:00

how does one, who has abandoned his or her family, sleep at night?

how?

Mr. Big

2009-11-10T21:08:00.001+11:00

"There are so many beautiful women in this city, But the thing is this. After a while, you just want to be with the one who makes you laugh."

From Amaine to Pah-Pah

2009-11-04T19:33:00.001+11:00

Last night I received a phone call from a very ecstatic friend who had just become an aunt. She called me asking for advice on how to be a cool aunt. I told her to just be herself as she is already cool. She then asked about cool aunt nicknames as she didn't want her newborn nephew to be calling her " Aunty Farah" or "Mak Ngah"….I told her how I have one niece who calls me Pah-Pah and my other munchkins call me Amaine. These were all names given to me by them. So, I told her..don't give him a nickname, he will give you yours.

To Yaya,Rania,Arin,Sophea and Marissa—thank you for my nicknames. Love, Amaine / Pah-Pah xoxo

Body to body

2009-11-03T18:41:00.001+11:00

They say Singaporean and Korean men have really hot bodies due to their time spent in compulsory military training (or National Service).

I have yet to see the effects on Malaysian men (or boys).

Cepat!

ermmmm maybe it's the universe trying to tell me something

2009-10-23T13:12:00.002+11:00

Lift from carpark to building lobby

lady: Do you work here?

me: Yes.

Lady: Where?

Me: (company name)

Lady: oh okay. what floor?

Me: 6th.

Lady: Oh, you can go in late?

me: We have flexi hours.

Lady: Oh, you have flexi hours.

me: yea but just for coming in. we have to come in between 9.00-9.30.

Lady: Oh, I see.

Exit lift. Enter 2nd lift from lobby to offices.

Lady: You pregnant eh?

me: erm. nope.

Lady: Not pregnant?

me: no.

Silence.

Lady: We tried to implement flexi hours in our office but susah la...

me: Oh...

TING! 6th floor!

me: Okay,bye....

the fat girl

2009-10-19T18:07:00.004+11:00

I have a little story to tell you.

I was sitting on the couch in the living room yesterday evening, when my brother planted himself on the couch and said this to me , " You need to lose weight,man".

ble.BLAH.eeek!ERM...huh?what?ppffbbtt.tsktsk.aaahh!whoa.apa?heh?

yes, that was my initial reaction. Although those words were playing in my head rather than coming out of my mouth.

Reply.Reply, Shamaine, reply to that! Reply! Say something.SAY SOMETHING!!

Me: Yeah, I know....

What? What? What? Yeah I know???? Urgh.

2 minutes later......

Me: If I lose weight, would you take me to act?

Brother: Maybe. If the part fits you, and I mean that in every sense....hahahahaha

Me: (fake laughter) hahahahahahahaahahahah

Cue to exit.

People either love you or hate you when you're fat. They love you because you make them feel so much better. They hate you because you're an embarassment.

Rally

2009-10-16T20:48:00.001+11:00

Standing in line I think you're pretty…

Lying on your bed, I think you're pretty too…

Hook up with me, meet me at the RALLY!!

What’s my type?

2009-10-15T14:03:00.001+11:00

You know, people always ask you—what's your type? What do you look for in a guy? -- and I usually don't have an answer. Is it the smile? Or that he's romantic? Is it his hair? Or that he makes me laugh? Looking back at my exes and the guys that I have dated briefly—I really don't know what it is! One was a pothead, one was just a slacker, one was an egotistical bastard—so, there MUST have been something that attracted me to them?

Attention. They paid attention to me. Not for long—perhaps only for the duration of our relationship but boy, did they pay attention to me. Therefore, I have come to the conclusion—I don't care about your hair, your humour or if you're well hung—hahahah—Just pay attention to me. That's all I want –your attention.

apparently

2009-10-14T17:13:00.001+11:00

so, apparently....8...

so i guess...instead of 5 i wish 8...

hhhmmm

To do list....

2009-10-10T06:03:00.002+11:00

plan Koh Samui trip
plan Birthday party
brainstorm Pecah Perut
write a play
write another play
write a screenplay for a short film

weeeeeeeeeeee

oh and lose weight

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

Wacky Bar

2009-10-01T15:21:00.002+10:00

This will be a quick one. A quick one before I zip off to Jaya One for a cue to cue run for Wacky Bar, a play which I have been working on the past 6-8 weeks or so. It has been an interesting journey. Many ups, downs and plateaus. Nevertheless, it has been a learning experience. I am looking forward to opening night tonight and pray for an awesome show. All of us in the play have worked our butts off- amidst personal life drama, travels and Hari Raya. It's time to kick ass tonight!

Wacky Bar is playing at PJ Live Arts at Jaya One from 2^nd-11^th October. For more information, please log on to http://www.pjla.com.my/.

Now here's a really cool (and dumb) photo….

Missed the ship…

2009-10-01T15:07:00.001+10:00

I wish I had met you 5 years ago

Lelaki Melayu / Malay Men

2009-09-15T01:04:00.002+10:00

First of all, let me just say this-- I am actually forcing myself to write this entry. Lately, I've just been too tired to update my blog. Hence the two liner entries. However, I thought to myself, it MUST stop. I must write something more than just a 2 line entry. So here it is.

The Malay Man-- I am half Malay. My father is Malay and my brother is half-Malay. Both my ex-boyfriends were Malay (or parts of them were).For a long time, I've had a struggle to understand the Malay Man. I have met some really gorgeous Malay men (and when I say gorgeous, I mean physical and personality wise) and I have met some assholes. I go in and out of the "I hate Malay men" phase. I have girlfriends who are so fortunate to find rare gems in the Malay men community. Loyal,romantic Malay men. I tell myself if it is possible to avoid marrying a Malay Man. Then, I thought...it's hard enough finding one man, maybe I shouldn't be picky. So, I look at the gems my girlfriends have discovered and tell myself, I guess, Malay men aren't that bad at all. Just when I was comfortable with this idea-- pieces of news change my mind.

I just found out one of my ex-colleagues is about to take on a 2nd wife. He had asked his 1st wife for her permission and when she said no, all he could say was "Alright, then you'll be responsible for my sins." Another story is of a friend of mine who has a girlfriend and apparently has cheated on his girlfriend many times. His reason- he's cute and he knows it. *Shudder*. Both of these men are Malay. I know it could be any other race--but lately the stories I hear are of Malay men. So, I guess I'm back in that phase again. The "I hate Malay men" phase.

Good night.

2009-09-12T19:43:00.000+10:00

Why does the local theatre scene do this to me?

I am slowly becoming very disillusioned.

fuckmalaysia

2009-08-29T02:54:00.001+10:00

1malaysia?

hmph

more like fuckmalaysia

This is what I want to do

2009-07-31T02:23:00.003+10:00

Move to Melbourne
Stay at home and write
Run Cinematic
Do a postgrad in Creative Writing
Teach English abroad
Sell statement t-shirts
Act full time
be a semi-pro photographer
Move to a foreign country and just live...Spain,France,Italy...the world is my oyster.

good night.

Food for thought

2009-07-27T17:56:00.001+10:00

Makcik: So, what did you have for lunch?

Me: Oh I had a burger.

Makcik: A burger? Wow…that's really unhealthy.

*slap*slap*

Fuck off.

Spring Roll

2009-07-21T02:21:00.002+10:00

Yesterday I had the rare opportunity to stay at home on a Sunday night. Spring Roll, my beloved niece was at home with us. Spring Roll is the apple of everyone's eye. I know most of my family members complain that I don't spend enough time with her. There are a few reasons....well, only two. I'm busy and I always feel sad when I see her. Spring Roll's parents have recently split and like any kid, 2 or 26, I know she is sad.

As I laid on the couch and watch her cry because she didn't want to eat any more rice, I thought to myself...maybe she's crying because she knows she's going back to her mother's house and that means she has to say goodbye to her father. I could be wrong, I could be right. When I see her, I see me. I am that little girl who wishes she didn't have to say goodbye to her father and wait for another week to see him again. Spring Roll is only 2 + but the girl knows what is going on. I see her trying to be strong and trying to understand. I also see her trying to come up with delay tactics to be with her father for just another hour or two.

Sometimes I wish I could create a fantasy world or room where Spring Roll can go to and have her mother and father there,together,playing with her. A room she would love.

To my dear Spring Roll, I know things they didn't turn out the way they were supposed to but you must know that we still love you dearly. Babah,Mama,Gimma, Atuk Babah, Mia and Pahpah...you bring a lot of smiles to our faces and melt our hearts. I'm sorry I'm always out or asleep when you come to the house but you are always in my dreams, playing in our very own fantasy rooms.

I love you.

kadang kadang

2009-07-17T20:49:00.002+10:00

kadang kadang rasa macam gambaran indah di luar sana semuanya palsu

keluarga yang gembira

lelaki yang sempurna

kerja yang memuaskan

wang yang terus mengalir

ini semua hanya rekaan semata-mata

**i'm so emo in malay**

Prince Hanjing

2009-07-15T21:15:00.002+10:00

Ku sangka kau seorang Prince Charming

tetapi ku salah

Kau seorang Prince HANJING!

change

2009-07-14T01:28:00.001+10:00

need
want
have to
must

Lowest point maybe?

2009-07-10T01:21:00.002+10:00

I have this theory the more you tell people about an embarassing encounter/story/incident the less embarassing it is. I'm about to tell you one story-embarassing it is not but rather sad. This could be one of the lowest points in my life.

I was watching 8TV last night as they were playing Michael Jackson's video clips. It was almost 1.30 am and I thought it was time I head to bed. I wanted to watch all of them but I knew it had to stop. So, Heal The World comes on and I decide to hit the sack. Don't get me wrong, I love the song but the video is quite boring. I grab the newspaper (bedtime reading), get up from the sofa and the next thing I know, I'm standing in front of the TV, hugging the newspaper and singing along to Heal The World. Swaying from left to right. Thank god everyone else was asleep.

Thinking about it I wonder to myself...what prompted this?. I guess I was just still sad with the death of MJ.

Do you think what I did was sad? A low point?

I... don't know...

KL as I know it...

2009-07-08T21:46:00.002+10:00

I am a KL-ite. I have lived in this city since I was a baby. There are many things that I love about it and many things that I absolutely detest. There are some places in KL that I absolutely love and this post is dedicated to these places. I call them my little secret places. A secret because I don't think the whole city is aware of them.

Dewan Filharmonik Petronas (DFP)

This hall is home to one of the world's best orchestras, the Malaysian Philharmonic Orchestra. It has also showcased numerous jazz and world music concerts. I love coming here because I get to listen to beautiful classical music conducted by world class conductors and played by world class soloists and musicians. Best thing is- tickets are dirt cheap. Dirt cheap for the quality of performances you get. The hall has about 120 concerts per season. From time to time, I will step into this hall for 2 hours and completely lose myself in the beautiful music. There was a time when people tried to shut down the hall/orchestra—if it happened, KL would have lost one of its most magnificent landmarks. If you haven't been to DFP, it's about time you did. Log on to http://www.malaysianphilharmonic.com/ for more information on the hall, the orchestra and upcoming concerts.

Why is it a secret ? It's tuck in between the Petronas Twin Towers. Many people who go to the towers/KLCC tend to miss it.

Palate Palette

I discovered Palate Palette within the first month I came back from Melbourne. I was so happy to have found a restaurant that was so relaxed. It wasn't the least bit pretentious. A place where one could just go to eat,drink and laugh. Every month Palate Palette hosts an array of events such as bbqs, private Lapsap parties, indie movie screenings and bring-your-pet day. I absolutely love the décor- absolutely creative and inviting, the hot manager, Ben, the friendly staff,the good music and chicken lasagne. One of my favourite memories in Palate Palette was when Lady Lover and me sang our hearts out to Sarah Maclachlan's ADIA in the middle of the restaurant. Priceless. If you live in KL, you MUST check out Palate Palette. For more info, log on to http://www.palatepalette.com/.

Why is it a secret? It's located in a little street right next to Hotel Istana, one door away from No Black Tie.

Bisou

I heard about this place from my friend Chicktweet. What got my attention was- cupcakes. This place serves the best cupcakes in town. Curious, I decided to check out the place ….and the cupcakes, of course. Magnificent. My favourites are the peanut butter and nutella cupcakes. They were so good- I used to pop by the café everyday after work to get my cupcake fix. Sometimes I would also go there with my girlfriends to eat and gossip…and watch clubbers hit the many clubs surrounding this quaint café. If you love cupcakes, you HAVE to visit Bisou. For more info, log on to : http://www.bisou.com.my/

Why is it a secret ? Many people tend to miss it as it's hidden underneath a tree on Heritage Row.

Barsonic

Barsonic is an awesome club which replaced the now extinct Loft. Situated at Zouk, Barsonic is the place to go if you want to dance to indie,electronic and the odd pop/oldie/rock track. I come here almost every Friday night to listen to DJ group, Twilight Actiongirl. People come here to dance and have a great time. No need to worry about sleazy guys, no need to worry about what you should wear—just dance,dance,dance. More info? Log on to : http://www.zoukclub.com.my/barsonic.asp

Why is it a secret ? It is the smallest section in Zouk. Most clubbers don't really know where exactly it is. Often citizens of Phuture/Velvet/Main Room stumble into Barsonic and leave after 5 minutes. Why? Maybe they're scared.

So, if you are a true KL-ite, I strongly recommend you to check out these 'secret' places.

Curbing anger

2009-07-05T17:23:00.004+10:00

I spent the afternoon doing online research regarding quarter life crisis. Yes, I think I'm in the midst of a quarter life crisis. For some reason, I felt very angry yesterday. Unsatisfied. Discontent. It was unfair to say that nothing was going well in my life. It's pretty okay. I have a steady job, I'm purusing my passion on the side and I have wonderful friends. At the same time, I've made a concious decision to be more financially responsibe ( I'm still working on this, I just HAD to buy that dress!). Yet, I still found myself angry. Asking questions like- Is this it? Am I happy? In the battle of finding the answer, I find myself really angry.

As I was driving to dinner with my Lady Lover, I knew that I had so much anger in me. Yes, I do have unresolved issues. But what do I do? How do I manage it? First thing came into my mind was Drummer Boy. I'm angry that he couldn't even have the decency to validate our 'short term' courtship by telling his new partner about us. I'm angry because I allowed it and didn't make a stand for it. I didn't insist that he told her about us. I am not a nobody. I'm an extraordinary woman who fell in love with him. I don't know how to explain this BUT the way he handled it...it was as if someone just took Michael Jackson's body and dumped it in a bin. No funeral,no memorial.No respect. I am an amazing woman, he told me many times. He doesn't know me.....I am so much more than the amazing woman he thinks I am. So, I think I've dealt with that...maybe there are a few more things that need to be done. I think this realization is a good achievement for the time being. I arrived at the restaurant, ordered my lasagne and a glass of wine. Whipped out my phone and told my Lady Lover, I'm deleting all of his messages. I'm doing it now. I hit the delete button. It erased all 198 messages from him which I saved. Lady Lover asked how I felt...I said I had to do it. I had to do it.

Back to the online research thing, I found an article about 10 Pieces of Wisdom for Young Women. One of it was No matter how old you get, remember what it was like to be a nine-year old girl. The article asks you to do cartwheels but I have to say I am crap at cartwheels, even when I was 9. I thought to myself, " What did I like to do when I was 9?". Well, I liked rolling into curtains and rolling myself back out over and over again. So, that's what I did. I walked to the living room and did it a few times. I laughed and then I cried. I cried because I made myself happy. People always tell you, " You owe it to yourself to be happy". Everyday is a struggle to make me happy but this afternoon, I did it. Just by doing something so simple, I made myself happy. It was reassuring. I can make myself happy. I can.

On that note, I'm going to sign off here. Thank you for reading. Here's a line from Michael Jackson's Man in the Mirror. When the song first came out, I was too young to understand the words. Now that I do, I think it's one of the most spot on song lyrics ever.

If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place,Take A Look At Yourself, AndThen Make A Change

Farewell to the King of Pop

2009-06-28T14:43:00.002+10:00

On Friday morning, as I was walking to the bathroom, I heard the sound of the TV coming from my mother's room. Sounded like CNN, I immediately thought something was up. I go in there and I see my mother and brother -first thing my mother says as I walk in, "Michael Jackson died". Shock, utter shock. I was still half asleep and this piece of news didn't fully register.

When I got to the office, we were all talking about it. It slowly sank in and we were listening to MJ in the office, the whole day. Driving home after work, I was tuning into the few radio stations that were playing his songs the whole day long and I couldn't stop the tears when I heard Human Nature and Earth Song. It got me thinking...he was really the King of Pop. His tunes were catchy, his lyrics sooooooo powerful and had a lot of soul.

Michael Jackson, I'm sure, was a part of many people's childhood. For me, I grew up with him as my brother was a HUGE fan. He even entered the Malaysian search for the best MJ impersonator. He came out 8th out of 30 (or 40) contestants. His songs were always played in my house, my siblings and I would dance in our bedrooms to his music and we would watch Moonwalker a million times!. I was lucky enough to see him live in concert twice-in Singapore and KL. He gave his all on stage and we were left wanting more. I am saddened by the death of a legend and I stand by the fact that regardless of what he was accused of doing, true or untrue, the man made great music. Music for everyone.

To Michael Jackson, thank you for your music and words. You rocked my world.Rest in peace.

Story of my life

2009-06-20T20:29:00.001+10:00

A: Shamaine, why don't you go for......? He's cute.
Me: He has a girlfriend.

A:Shamaine, he's cute la! Why don't you go for him?
Me: He has a girlfriend.

A:Shamaine, you didn't tell me he was hot! Why don't you tackle him?
Me: He has a girlfriend.

Yep. Story of my life....

To Do list

2009-06-16T20:36:00.001+10:00

To do list- 20 years ago

Go to school

Finish homework

Main teng-teng

Watch TV

To do list- today

Go to work

Send out e-mails

Make follow-up calls

Pay phone bill

Pay credit card bill

Pay car installment

Pay car park rent

Go to rehearsals

Go to more rehearsals

Write scripts

Meet friends

Get drunk

Family quality time

Lose weight

When did life get so complicated?

My birthday wish

2009-06-13T03:35:00.003+10:00

I know what I want for my birthday this year. My very own highway. Built just for me. It will take me around KL and also to places as far as PJ,Damansara and KLIA.

I'm so tired of driving among other bad drivers. So, so tired. I want a highway where it's only me on the road. I don't have to deal with fuckwits who drive slow on the right lane, don't indicate,road bullies and motorbikes...and cab drivers...and all of you out there la!

The BUN Casanova

2009-06-11T12:06:00.001+10:00

There's this man who works with the building where my office is. Yes, with - not at…he works with the management. Anyway, I see him almost every day, when I'm off to lunch or when I go home. Every time we meet, he will say "Hello!" or " Bye! Nak balik?"….or " Cukup ke makan sandwich?". Although I'm not the only female in the building that's getting this treatment, I still don't mind it at all. Most of the time I just reply with a smile or " Cukup….". I would usually cringe when an older Malay man passes remarks like this but I kind of like the attention. I'm not desperate or crazy—it' just nice when someone smiles and greets you. Someone who maybe might just like what you're wearing today or think you look pretty. The feeling's just nice. So, to the BUN Casanova, thank you!

The Mamak Store

2009-06-10T13:15:00.001+10:00

As I stood in the mamak store, reading the newspaper about the terrorist attacks at a luxury hotel in Pakistan, I thought to myself…. do stores like this fund terrorist attacks? Hhhmm….will the vadee and chocolate milk I'm about to buy help some terrorists buy bombs ?. In a tiny store room, I saw the old uncle who mans the store, move around some things. I still don't know. What I do know…the vadee here is damn good!

my mummy rocks because....

2009-05-31T19:27:00.002+10:00

.....she randomly bakes butter cake
.....she doesn't stop me from eating ice cream when i'm sick
.....she asks questions like, "What is a rave?" and proudly disseminates the information to mothers around her
.....she's so cool...that my friends talk about booze and say the F word when she's around and she won't kick a fuss about it
.....she will say yes to my friends coming over to play guitar hero.....when i'm not even at home
.....she buys me KFC when i'm too tired to drive to the KFC drive thru
.....she reads my blog...

vodka and techonology

2009-05-31T14:05:00.000+10:00

i drunk texted last night. fuck. fuck.fuck. damn.

There’s no title for this post- wow!

2009-05-26T16:09:00.001+10:00

Last night I came home from rehearsals and I was really, really tired. Usually, when I'm that tired- that's when I have difficulty going to bed. Most people read books (including me) to put them to bed but sometimes I turn to TV.

In my DVD player, was Disc 2 of Sex and the City, Season 1. The episode was 'Oh Come All Ye Faithful'. Last night would have been my 3^rd (or maybe 4^th) time watching that episode in the last month. The events that took place in that episode struck a chord with me. She wanted a sign from him but he couldn't give it. It's okay—she still had faith. Think I'm going to be watching that episode over and over again until….well, who knows, but hopefully not for long.

Nevertheless, I am DOING GOOD and FANTASTIC!

Chuckle,chuckle

2009-05-21T02:22:00.002+10:00

I received a text message from my father yesterday. It said;

Shamaine, I have got this book called ' Do It Yourself Surveillance Handbook'. I think it might be useful in your work and career. But you must read it. Love,Babah.

I replied- "give it to me and I'll read it". I didn't make much of the title-- a book recommended by my dad should be good.

I came home tonight and saw the book on the dining table. Picked it up and saw that the book was wrapped in turqoise coloured paper. And on the cover, it was written:

DO IT YOURSELF SURVEILLANCE HANDBOOK by Rob O'Kop.

I looked at it a few times and thought to myself-- how is surveillance skills going to help me with my career?!? I had to do No. 2 and went to the john, book in tow. There on the first page, it was written in very,very large font- The 20% Factor. I continued to read the preface and it talked about how you can improve your business and social life by 20% almost overnight. La di da...at the end of the preface was the author's name. It was Graham Lancaster. Not Rob O'Kop.

It's midnight-- so my mind is on sleep mode. I was puzzled. I thought it was a book about DIY Surveillance by Rob O' Kop...but why does it talk about The 20% Factor..and why is the author Graham Lancaster??? Then it hit me... "Do It Yourself Surveillance Handbook" by Rob O'Kop was a PROP!!!! My dad must have used it as a prop in either one of his sitcoms or telemovies. Hahahahahahaha!! And it just hit me that Rob O' Kop is actually, Robocop!!! Oh, Babah...

I read the first few pages and I think it will be a good read. Thank you Babah..but I have to finish my many,many other books first. Yes, I'm such a book whore.

Good night people!

Guru Carrie

2009-05-19T12:18:00.003+10:00

Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.

*Carrie Bradshaw*

Right,left and right again.

2009-05-18T19:19:00.001+10:00

So, today marks my second week at my new job. At this moment, I am still in the 'awkward' phase—y'know, the phase where you don't really know what you're supposed to be doing or you don't really know if you should be telling dirty jokes to the person seated next to you. I guess, it will all fall into place and I need to be patient. Lately I've discovered that I'm a very impatient person but at the same time, I'm a huge procrastinator. I don't know of you agree with me—but isn't that one HUGE contradiction?

I'm definitely at another crossroads in my life—and boy are these times trialing! If I appear dazed, confused, angry- I apologize. I am trying my very best to return to my original self. Absolutely lovely and insane!

Toodles!

Faith

2009-05-18T13:40:00.000+10:00

After he left, I cried for a week, and then I realised I do have faith. Faith in myself, faith that I would one day meet someone... who would be sure that I was the one.

*Carrie Bradshaw*

Ouch!

2009-05-09T13:45:00.002+10:00

It still hurts. I still can't get you out of my head and heart. And I miss you still.

I just keep telling myself, it will just go away, like mosquito bites.

Somebody pass me a tube of Mopiko quick!!!

What are you doing??????

2009-05-04T16:34:00.002+10:00

I got a text today, a friend asking me if I wanted to do a reading for Much Ado About Nothing this Thursday. Sadly, I declined as I have to be at work to assist the conductor. By the way, it's my last week at work. Yep. Stupid or what? Why? Why?

I'm such a nerd. Urgh.

Today is the 29th

2009-04-30T01:29:00.003+10:00

I came home from rehearsals and headed straight to the computer table. I saw an envelope on the table,it was a letter addressed to my mum. What caught my attention was the handwriting-- it was VERY similar to my late grandmother's. At first I thought it was an old letter from my grandmother but it was addressed to our apartment--we moved here about a year after her passing. It was rather spooky--turned out to be a letter from Persatuan Veteran RTM. I guess people from that generation have the same handwriting. Hahahaha. Hhhmm...miss my grandma. More than anything, I miss the birthday cards she used to send us.

On another note-- I've been coming home late these past few weeks. Work,rehearsals and when I'm not doing the two-- I am out with my friends. Recently, the management have beefed up the security at my apartment. Placing a guard at almost every corner of the carpark. I kid you not. Every night, as I drive to my parking spot, these guards stand there and salute me. I salute back. What bothers me is that they have a disapproving look when they do it.It's like they're thinking, " Look at this girl, 4 nights in a row, coming home at almost midnight." I'm pretty sure that's what goes through their minds. After all, they were all in the Nepalese military. Hahaha-random story.

Alright- think I'm off to kill some time before Idol starts. Rehearsals on Wednesdays suck because I miss Idol and am forced to watch the 12.30am repeat. Booo. Night folks!

ramblings

2009-04-29T02:11:00.002+10:00

So, I just got back from dinner and coffee with Ms. Writer, Ms. Exxon and Mr. Ass No More. Everyday I am thankful I have friends like them. Friends that I enjoy spending time with and most importantly friends who accept me for who I am. I've been friends with Ms. Writer and Ms. Exxon since 1998-- that's almost 11 years. After all these years we've learnt to accept each other's flaws. I think one of my flaws is being too self consumed with my life-- and I thank them for putting up with it. Poor ladies...but that's why I love them.

Ms. Exxon actually hit me tonight. Hard..on the arm. Thanks woman! I'll make you pay later! Hahaha! But..it was a motherly 'hit'. My parents used to say, 'Pukul tu tanda sayang'...which I think is the biggest load of bull crap!! However, maybe they're right. I was so angry when Ms. Exxon hit me. She was asking me to do something which was difficult to do (for now at least). I yelled at her, " I said..I"m trying! It's hard. Don't expect it to change overnight!!". She knew I was a bit annoyed. Ms. Exxon if you're reading this. Thanks for hitting me. I still stand by the fact that it's going to be hard. Thanks for hitting me, thanks for loving me.

So, ( I say 'so' a lot..hhmm) last Saturday, after getting tired of listening to Kings of Leon via YouTube, I made my way to Rock Corner in KLCC. By the way, fucking amazing store, check it out if you're in KLCC. So, (see there I go again) I headed straight to the GROUP section, looked for the 'K' row and picked up Kings Of Leon's latest album, 'Only By The Night'. Raced to my car, started the engine and popped in the CD. Skipped songs 1 & 2 to get me to song no.3-- 'Sex On Fire'. Oh yea! Effing Amazing song...I listened to the album and I must say it's a damn good album. Other favourites are 'Use Somebody','17' and 'Revelry'.It's on repeat in my car and in the office. I carry the CD with me everywhere, telling people to get it. So, (this is 'so' No. 4) I am telling you to go out there and get Kings Of Leon's latest album. Buy the CD. Don't download it. There's nothing like buying a CD...I get this inexplainable joy after buying a CD. Aaaahhhh. If God had a voice, it would sound like Caleb Followill's! (okay, maybe I'm exaggerating..it's not appropriate to associate God with something that I'd like to do naughty things with!)

Before I sign off, here's a photo of one of the hottest bands around. When I say hot, I mean hot as in, "I'd do you right now!".

2009-04-20T16:09:00.000+10:00

They say if you love something let it go
If it comes back it's yours
That's how you know
It's for keeps, it's for sure

my ideal world

2009-04-19T01:45:00.002+10:00

My ideal world is a world where there isn't hate,only love.

Children are free to play without fear.And the rest live without fear.

It doesn't matter how we look like.

It doesn't matter who we love- man or woman.

It doesn't matter what we believe.

It doesn't matter how much money we make.

It doesn't matter what we do with our lives.

An ideal world where everyone is happy.

Everyone is smiling.Everyone is laughing.Everyone is dancing.

A limitless world.

My ideal world may seem like a dream.

Best you not wake me up from this slumber.

Pyjamas

2009-04-17T01:11:00.002+10:00

So, what's the deal with pyjamas? Seriously. I don't know why but after 25 years of living--tonight I question the existence of pyjamas.

I came home from rehearsals,got out of my work clothes and put on my pyjama bottoms and a tank top. Now- my pyjama pants is polka-dotted- why have I only limit these bottoms as sleepwear (1 word?2 words?). Or-why have the makers of these pyjama pants used polka dots? Is it because the idea of wearing polka dots out in the public is just so bizarre--that one would ONLY HAVE to,HAVE to wear the pants to bed. Is that why??

There are some nights when I come home,change into my pyjamas and straight head to bed. WWWHHHHYYY?!?!??!?!?! Why did I change for an event where I would be lying in bed,semi unconcious and in the dark?!?!?!??!

I guess that's why,some nights (well,most nights) I like sleeping in the nude. I think EVERYONE should sleep in the nude. Think about it-sleeping is like recharging your batteries and in my opinion,being in the nude is the best way to recharge. When you wake up, you kinda feel like a newborn baby. Aaaaahhhh.

I am so sorry to have wasted your time on this post about pyjamas but it just got to me tonight. Nevertheless, I still love my newly purchased Peter Alexander jammies from Melbourne.

Now all I have to figure out is if I'm gonna be wearing 'em or ditching 'em tonight.

hubba hubba hubba

2009-04-14T13:19:00.001+10:00

Moment

2009-04-13T17:10:00.002+10:00

Have you ever experienced a moment with someone else, where the emotions that were flying through the room or space, couldn't be explained or expressed (to yourself or to anyone else) ? The only 2 people in that moment are the only ones who felt it...the connection..the pull...the moment.

Yesterday, in the office pantry, I know, we had a moment.

I have no choice but to get down,down,down,down

2009-04-12T20:36:00.001+10:00

Dance, nothing left for me to do but dance,
Off these bad times I'm going through just dance
Got canned heat in my heels tonight baby

martians

2009-04-12T05:08:00.001+10:00

.......and I turn to him and ask "You're a man...tell me,what does this all mean?". He replies withouth hesitating, " He's not into you".

There it was. He said it like a real man.

How?

2009-04-10T01:45:00.002+10:00

But how will I know who my soulmate is?

By taking risks,by risking failure,disappointment,disillusion, but never ceasing in your search for love, as long as you keep looking you will triumph in the end.

~Paolo Coelho~

Happy

2009-04-06T13:46:00.006+10:00

I am so,so happy. Events like this make me so happy that I just forget all the crap that is around me.

This boogie is definitely for real....

Cock

2009-04-02T04:50:00.001+11:00

Mummy : Do you know what Seval means?

Me: Nope.

Mummy: It means cock.

Me: Oh... okay.....

Mummy: As in the chicken...you know, cockrel.

Me: Aaahhh ic.

laa dee daa

2009-04-02T04:24:00.002+11:00

Where do I begin. Hhhmm. Okay. Breathe in, Breathe out.

So, the decision was to put it on hold, I guess. Probably the best decision for now but...(haha there's always a but)...I am getting a bit restless...and eager. Leave me idle for 2 minutes-- and I get a bit loopy thinking about it.

I just hope I don't end up hitting you with my handbag.

Now, isn't this the most cryptic post ever?

Melbourne,Melbourne

2009-04-02T04:08:00.002+11:00

So here's my list about my recent trip to Melbourne.

1. I love Melbourne.

2. I love Melbourne a lot.

3.Melbourne has changed since the last time I was there.For instance, Sportsgirl and Portmans in Chadstone have moved to the ground floor. What the??

4.The Rooftop at Cookie is AMAZING!

5. DFO Spencer Street-- Oh My God!

6. I love my girlies-- still the same nutters! We still know how to tear up the dancefloor!

7. Katja is stunning....like wow.Beeyootifool!

8. There are more freaks in the city. Which isn't a bad thing-- it's entertainment!

9. Customer service is First Class-- just simply amazing!

10. Melbourne cafe culture-- the best ever!

My chicken soup

2009-03-28T04:16:00.002+11:00

So tomorrow marks my 9th day in Melbourne. I leave the day after. Bummer.

This trip has been very bittersweet. Sweet- because I"m in Melbourne, meeting friends and doing 'Melbourne' stuff. Bitter because at the end of it, I have to go back to KL. Why can't I stay at home in Melbourne? Why?

I decided to go on this trip to 'heal' my soul. I have lately been feeling very discontent with my life. Mainly my job-- I no longer go to work with a sprightly walk but with a very very heavy foot (and heart). I'm grumpy at work, I procrastinate and when the clock hits 6pm- I dash out of the office ( this is rare as lately I have spent my evenings catching up on work as I have spent most of my time doing another person's job [and not getting rewarded accordingly!]) Sittin at my best friend, Katja's desk-- slightly intoxicated, I have the strong urge to return and put in my 'letter' (we all know what that letter is). But, we all know it is only wishful thinking. I wouldn't really do it, would I?

These past few days I have sat with my friends and listen to their stories-- their bravery. I wish I had the guts like them to just fuck the world. Hahaha-- Not literally but yea, you know what I mean. I didn't have to go far-- my dear friend Naufa is even fucking the world-- and eventhough I worry for her, I envy her for she is fucking the world.

So what will happen, Monday, 30th March-- will I fuck the world or will I just stay in my little corner and sip my drink slowly.......

p.s. I love Melbourne. Melbourne is my home.

HEY YOU!

2009-03-14T19:02:00.002+11:00

HEY YOU! YES...YOU!!! Reading this.

If you know or don't know me, and have landed at my blog and you now HAVE,HAVE,HAVE to leave a comment. Introduce yourself and tell me how do you know me,how often do you read my blog, what do you think about my blog and what would you like me to blog about.

Yes YOU!! NOW. Hit the "post a comment" link!

Thank you!

Is it because I iz Malay?

2009-03-12T03:57:00.003+11:00

Imagine if you knew from the very beginning that one of the reasons you got your job was because of your race. I don't know about you but I would be rather cut about it.

One of my colleagues at work told me that the company's big boss told my colleague that he was selected because he was capable and Malay. I won't doubt it-- my colleague is very capable. I just don't understand why race played a role in his appointment. He should have gotten the job just based on his experience and capability.I've known of this for about 2 year and have been thinking about it. Does this mean if he was Chinese and capable-- he may not have gotten the job?

When will we stop using the race card and look past the colours of our skin?

"She really likes Chinese...that's why new staff banyak yang Chinese". Yes- I hear stuff like this in the office. I wonder if these people have ever stopped to think that MAYBE,MAYBE....these 'Chinese' people got their jobs because they're just DAMN good at it?

Because I'm a product of mixed marriage, I rarely associate myself with one race. Well except when I fill out forms. I'm neither Malay or Ceylonese-- I'm just me. So, I guess that's why I really hate it when people use race to make a decision or to belittle someone.

Can't we all just be one race-- humans? I think life would be so much more pleasant.

Although, you must agree--that we are all, at one point or more, just a little bit racist. Yes?

Conversations in the editing room of ANTM

2009-03-11T04:21:00.002+11:00

Editor: So, how many girls is it for this episode?

TB: 12. You should have 12 girls mention how amazing I am.

......a few hours later....

Editor : And this is model No. 8 saying her praises for you....

TB: Take her out. I didn't see tears when she said " Tyra is such an inspiration to me..."

.....minutes later......

TB: I like No.10..if she continues to scream my name I might let her win this competition.

I want a dog

2009-03-11T03:35:00.003+11:00

I want a dog. I just watched Marley and Me and it was really good. I've always wanted a dog and am wondering when will I be able to have one.

If I get a dog...I want a dog like this...

of pavements and life

2009-03-07T21:33:00.004+11:00

Firstly, let me apologise for not updating my blog regularly. I have been busy, uninspired or too inspired that I didn't know where to begin. Oh well. Such is life.

As you can tell from my previous post I spent some time in London recently. Instead of rambling on and on about my time there, I have decided to write my observations in point form.

1. You barely hear English being spoken in London. Well, Central London at least.

2. Your booger is black. Like greyish black. London is SO polluted.

3.The quality of life is way,way better. (haha what a total contradiction)

4. Even silence is sponsored. Silence at Swan Lake was sponsored by Sela Cough. Please get yout sweet from an usher.

5.My cousin Sukey is stunning! and talented !! She has great things coming her way!

6.The Oyster card is AMAZING!

7. The tube is AMAZING too!

8.PRIMARK IS FUCKING AMAZING!

9. After having spent 25 years not being that close with my Aunt Selvy, I enjoyed my time with her on this trip. Taking our relationship to a whole new level. Thank you Aunty Selvy!

10. Crispy Duck at Magic Wok, Bayswater is kick ass!

11. Having met Zara and Steve, being with them made me realize,other than my immediate family, my close friends are like family to me now. Zara and Steve if you're reading this--being with the both of you gives me a warm fuzzy feeling.

12.I would definitely return to London. After all, this was like my 4th trip!

In about 12 days time I will be heading to Melbourne with my mother and sister. Have made no concrete plans other than list down the places I'd like to visit. Will be staying with Katja for a few days and am definitely looking forward to that. Can't wait for this long awaited homecoming!

Anyway, before I sign off,here's a line or two (or five) from one of my fav current songs.

Should I give up, Or should I just keep chasing pavements?

Even if it leads nowhere, Or would it be a waste?

Even If I knew my place should I leave it there?

Should I give up, Or should I just keep chasing pavements?

Even if it leads nowhere

Have a good day guys. To my friends and family reading this, I love you with all my heart.

xoxo

London Calling

2009-02-23T08:31:00.001+11:00

I am in London and I am loving it.

More to come...

2009-02-14T03:44:00.001+11:00

i feel like shutting down this blog.

Dear God

2009-02-12T13:35:00.002+11:00

Dear God,

Hello. It's been a while since I spoke to you but anyway thought I'd do it via my blog this time coz that's so 21st century.

God,God,God.....the stuff you've put me through this past 6 weeks has been very exhausting. I live each day not really expecting what's to come. This week....this very week-- I feel like I have an all day (or weekly) pass on the emotional rollercoaster of life. One minute I feel like I can join Leo and scream " I'm the King of the WORLD!!"....the next I feel like I could groove with Portishead and sing those famous words, "Nobody loves me.....".

Angry I am not. Just in awe of what you present to your humble servants. You have definitely given me some yin and some yang. We all can't have everything can we?

P. Ramlee said in one of his movies....'Cubaan.....'. Yes--trials. I just feel like the trials in my life are getting more and more intense. But it's okay-- I will accept them with a lot ( A LOT) of patience.

I only ask you to grant me strength. Only strength.

Thank you.

Kepala Radio

2009-02-10T22:23:00.000+11:00

Thank you Radiohead. Thank you, thank you. I survived another day thanks to you.

When I'm there

2009-02-09T14:59:00.004+11:00

I'll be going to Melbourne (Insya Allah) in March. When I'm there I'm going to (in no particular order):

Chadstone
Rue Bebelons
Max Brenner
Bourke Street and burn a hole in my wallet at Sportsgirl,Portmans and stores alike
The PAC
Howitt
Get my eyebrows waxed-- either at my waxist at Prive or Monash
Try and find that Minang restaurant
K-Mart to buy underwear
Basement @ MYER
The Arts Centre
NGV
Chapel Street
Soda Rock
Lygon Street
Bridge Road
Take the Cranbourne/Pakenham train line
The Nott
Coles and stock up on IndoMie Mi Goreng and Tim Tams
Melbourne Central
QV
Have Sumo Salad

Eat Subway in front of the library

Have a picnic in the Botanical Gardens

The Pantry
Uncle's
Rock Kung
Brunetti's
St. Kilda
and of course, catch up with my dearest,dearest friends.

okay this is what i have so far. 10 days..do you think it's enough?

tick,tock,tick,tock

2009-02-09T06:13:00.002+11:00

I just came back from watching Benjamin Button which I thoroughly enjoyed. Okay-- enjoyed might not be the best word to describe my experience of watching the film-- so lets try, liked. Yes, I liked the movie ( and I loved the bits when Brad Pitt looked young).

For those of you who haven't watched the film, worry not for this post will be spoiler-free.

I liked the film because it served as a huge nudge to myself. A nudge that told me to live my life the way I want to live it and not how others expect me to. It's never too early, never too late.

Hhhmm. I think that's all I have to say for now.

diseased

2009-01-28T18:27:00.002+11:00

if your arms ache

your fingers are numb and are constantly in a 'claw' position

you see everything moving upwards or downwards

and you can't get Mr. Fix It out of your head

congratulations, you have Guitarheroitis.

To our friends...

2009-01-26T19:15:00.002+11:00

If you have/know a child, get him or her to send letters of encouragement to our friends in Gaza. Click here for more information.Closing date is February 20th.

We never learn..

2009-01-24T15:39:00.003+11:00

So, it's been a month since I last blogged. So much has happened. Good,bad,happy,sad...everything. I want to write about it but I don't know where to start and where to end.

Oh...before I forget...Happy New Year. Another year,another chance. Most of us treat a new year like a new chapter in a book. A chance for us to chart a new journey in our lives.

Resolutions-- some of us have them, some of us don't. I don't mind resolutions-- it helps to give us focus.

For me, well, I keep telling myself-- this time is going to be different. Buang yang keruh,ambik yang jernih. Get rid of the bad and take only the good. THIS has got to be one of life's challenges...getting rid of the bad. The bad within yourself. You try so hard but always fall back. I look at it like a trap-- one minute you're fine and the next, 'Crap..how did I end up at the same place?'.

You say we learn from our mistakes...I say we NEVER learn from our mistakes. Well,almost never.

Sigh. Such a bleak post-- I was hoping for a cheerful 1st post of 2009-- and I came up with this. Sorry chaps.

Anyway... since the last time I blogged some of the good things that happened were...

1. My toga party-- which was attended by my closest friends all decked up in togas. I love them.
2. My New Year's trip to Koh Samui with my true blue. It was amazing-- I am definitely going back there for the next New Year.
3. I really,really like somebody ('Drummer Boy'...parapapapa)
4. I did a 30 minute Improv show at KL Pac's Open Day.
5.Obama is the 44th President of the USA. I am really happy about this.
6.Meet Uncle Hussain won Juara Lagu.
7. People have noticed I've lost some weight.

So....yea. I guess that's life eh? Good and Bad. Yin and Yang.

2009...bring it!

2008-12-22T19:51:00.003+11:00

I promised myself that when the next relationship happens- it happens without complications,without confusion. I promised myself to be a better partner in my next relationship- to be more trusting- no more email and SMS checking.

As I am currently being courted- I can't help but feel like I'm going into the same relationship I've had in the past. I'm tired of being No.2- I deserve to be No.1, First Choice- the First Lady. This is Shamaine Othman and she is an amazing woman. She only deserves to be No.1.

No. 1!

The Real World

2008-12-16T02:49:00.002+11:00

First of all, I'd like to dedicate this post to Yasir Yusoff, bf to my dear friend, 'Aainaa. Thank you for your very candid comment- "Maine, I miss your writing on your blog..."..and the rest of the sentence was prolly, "...rather than seeing that damn Pattinson's photos!!". My excuse has always been that I'm not inspired--well, I am now. Something which caught my eye yesterday made me want to write about it. So, here it goes.

I was at my niece's birthday party yesterday and it was just like any other birthday party. Filled with running and screaming kids. However, I was shocked to have seen a boy sitting at his table playing with his PSP while his friends were fighting over the microphone (theme of the party was Rockstar). I could only sigh....

In this day and age where kids spend most of their times in front of a screen- watching tv or playing games- you'd think parents would be happy to bring their child to a birthday party where their kid can have actual,immediate interaction with other children. I really don't understand why that boy's parents allowed him to bring the PSP. Is human interaction that bad? Sigh...as I type this I'm contradicting myself. Wouldn't it be better if I called every single one of you and told you of this sighting? But..you get what I'm trying to say right.

As a growing child, I personally think it is important for a child to have direct interaction with other children. It gives your child social skills- and for free! The ability to approach another person, to initiate conversation is invaluable and one definitely can't get it from playing video games. So to any parent out there reading this- I urge you that the next time you feel or are threatened to bring along the PSP out to a family outing- please,please,please put your foot down and say no. I can guarantee you there's more joy seeing your child talking or running with other kids than sitting in a chair, head down,staring into a gadget he or she will one day probably get tired of.

The Ultimate Robert Pattinson Photo

2008-12-15T04:52:00.002+11:00